Most people desire to feel heard and validated in any relationship. Dismissive behavior, a destructive force, can swiftly erode ties or induce closure. We’ve all been guilty at some point, perhaps even unknowingly. Adam and I found ourselves in this destructive cycle as we navigated through our trauma, numerous marriage counseling sessions, and changes to our family dynamics. Only when we recognized and acknowledged this harmful pattern did we begin to rebuild a new foundation based on trust and validation.
Dismissive behavior involves:
- Brushing away someone’s feelings, concerns, or fears by ignoring them,
- Belittling; and
- Invalidating the thoughts, emotions, or needs of others.
It may seem minor, but this behavior signals that someone’s feelings aren’t worth considering.
The Root of Dismissiveness
If you minimize or disregard someone else’s feelings or views, you’re being dismissive. Whether you’re preoccupied with your situation, deliberately shutting down the conversation, or avoiding uncomfortable emotions, this behavior can break trust and communication in the long run.
Dismissive behavior is often a result of past experiences, emotional habits, and coping mechanisms. Some people have learned to avoid complicated feelings like discomfort or vulnerability for themselves and others. An individual’s upbringing plays a significant role in this coping mechanism (Sunshine City Counseling). Many people have been exposed to environments where freely expressing emotions is a sign of weakness.
Unintentionally, you may feel too burdened by your stress and overwhelmed to take on the concerns of others. A lack of empathy or difficulty understanding emotions can make it easier to display dismissive behaviors.
Signs of a Dismissive Person
Below are common manifestations. Developing an awareness of the signs can help to address this behavior.
1. Ignoring or Overlooking Concerns: Brushing off or minimizing feelings using statements like, “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal.”
2. Interrupting or Talking Over Others: Failing to listen actively by interrupting conversations or redirecting the focus back to your own experiences displays a disinterest in the other person’s perspective.
3. Using Dismissive Body Language: Actions speak louder than words. Rolling eyes, sighing heavily, or crossing your arms when someone expresses their feelings signals that you feel the the conversation is unimportant.
4. Offering Solutions Too Quickly: People may not seek immediate answers when they share their feelings or issues. They may want someone to listen and feel heard. Offering quick fixes without fully understanding the other person’s emotions is invalidating.
5. Simplifying Other’s Experiences or Perspectives: The emotional context might be more complex even if you feel someone else’s issues are straightforward. Oversimplification conveys that the person’s feelings and the depth of their problem are not an issue.
How to Stop Being Dismissive
Empathy and the enhancement of communication skills can effectively combat dismissiveness. Here are a few key steps:
- Practice Active Listening: Listen without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Take time to reflect on what you hear to show you understand.
- Validate Emotions: Even if you disagree with another person, it’s crucial to acknowledge their feelings. Saying, “I understand why you feel that way,” can significantly alter how you relate to one another, reinforcing the value of their emotions.
- Question Your Reactions: Reflect on why you’re dismissive when you catch yourself to build empathy.
- Apologize When Needed: Repair is critical, and a sincere apology can undo certain offenses. By renewing trust, you can commit to changing and saving your relationships.
These adjustments can offer more compassionate and open communication.
Why Does Being Dismissive Matter?
Although dismissive behavior may seem inconsequential, it can have long-lasting effects on relationships and emotional well-being. Those who receive these types of responses can experience emotional isolation, decreased self-esteem, increased anxiety, and even resentment in personal or professional relationships.
Dismissive behavior can make it difficult for the person displaying it to build trust with others. Trust is founded on mutual respect and validation, and dismissiveness creates a barrier between these two pillars.
Conclusion
If you can identify dismissive behavior, you can foster healthier and rewarding relationships. Everyone wants to feel worthy of being heard and validated for their experience. Practicing empathy will lead to fewer conflicts and greater emotional awareness of yourself and others. Enrich your life by helping others enrich theirs.
How Do You Deal This Behavior?
Please comment below. You might be interested in our article on taming anxiety and parenting with trauma.
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